scarvedforlife | [ imeeji ] IC Inbox

It is quite a cruel card, but... I think it is also one that you cannot afford not to play in such a game. Unless you are positively, absolutely sure that the other units won't use it. And I don't think one can be certain of that, not unless they know who is playing from other units, what their relationships are, what things have been happening recently with everyone, how they might be feeling at the moment...

[He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, then takes out his phone.]

Like I said, I talked with Hope afterwards. I asked her if the vengeance is what her unit wants, but she said they do not want that, only Hellfire does. Hope's own was that she wants it understood that they will protect their own if no one else does.

[He frowns again.]

That... I've been here only a month, but I was a little surprised to hear that from one of the older players. I thought this way of thinking was normal for everyone... I expected every unit to play to protect themselves.

[ Crossing his arms behind his head, leaning back a bit. ]

Maaaah... I could believe it. Some people are able to keep thinking positively even in the face of the contrary.

But mostly I think it's foolish to try and rely on other units to protect you, especially when you're able to protect yourself. Then get angry when they prioritize themselves over you. Unless your entire unit who's in the game is willing to roll over for whatever reason, you should be doing your best to play in a way you won't regret. If you regret not playing hard enough to protect your unit, that's not on everyone else. That's on you. You made that choice.

[Frown...]

I want to think that I think positively, but... rather than positivity, is it not naivete to assume that others will protect you? For me thinking positively would be... thinking that even if another unit plays to sacrifice us, it's not done out of hatred and malice. And being able to stay friends with them afterwards no matter what.

[Maybe other people are weird.]

Ah, but speaking of friends... that's another thing I wanted to bring up. I've talked to Cosmo after the game, too, and tried to figure out what our priorities might be in the future. I was not certain Baritones would protect us, either, but... The truth is that at least four people on their unit are very fond of me. And now if Sunny is finally going to admit he cares about Angel, I'd say we have five members of Baritones who like us. But mere assumptions are useless, of course, so I brought it up with Cosmo - and his offer was that he would protect our unit over all others but Baritones if I were to wish so, even against his own desires. I told him that before I make such a decision I should speak with the rest of us... So, what's your opinion, senpai? Should I tell him to protect us? I know the answer is quite obvious, but I don't want to assume.

... Honestly, that sounds like a pretty good way to put it, naivety vs positivity I mean. I think we understand that the games make us do shitty things to each other, and no one's trying to purposefully kill people with these games, just protect the ones they care about most.

Most people anyway.

I admit, I wouldn't argue against those kinds of conditions, but it seems fairly one-sided of an agreement to make. I don't like an unbalanced situation myself.

I'd also like to know who exactly those four people are, because while there are four people who're fond of you, it doesn't necessarily mean they're fond of the rest of us. Ah- I'm not saying that I think negatively of them, but it's a connection between individuals, not a team. I think it'd be unfair to hold them to this kind of thing if you were to graduate early, for example, so I'd much rather we have something clearly worked out over awkward guesswork.

[He looks briefly panicked at the mention of early graduation. BOY HE HOPES NOT?]

I, um... I'm not certain about graduating. Unless I go for a wish, I don't think I have anywhere to go after this...

[But anyway. He shakes his head, then raises a hand, uncurling a finger for each person.]

Those people specifically are Cosmo, Alexander, Absinthe and Lily. You are right in saying they have a personal connection to me rather than the team, although the first three all assured me that our units have always been somewhat allied, meaning they've never purposefully targeted us before... I can't say exactly how true that is, of course. You've been here longer than me, so you should know more. But now while I'm here I suppose we have the option of getting protection from them, although both me and Cosmo agreed that we would put our own units first, and he did expect protection from us in turn, to whatever degree is feasible in a given game.

And on the subject of personal affection versus attitude towards the entire unit... Well, Lily is not one to target anyone specifically anyway. She loves and respects people too much. Cosmo and Alexander would likely still seek to protect our unit if they can even if I am not present because they know I care about you all, but that is something I'll need to talk out with them properly. And for Absinthe, we have a specific agreement that he won't hurt my unitmates or loved ones, provided he's in his right mind. But I think it's obvious that games that mess with our heads are ones where we can't guarantee anything.

[ Reaching out to pat a knee. ]

There there, it was just a hypothetical.

From what I know, Intensity had a pact thing with Kohime, who used to be on Baritones but got moved over to Avante. With him gone and Kohime on a different unit, it makes sense that we're at a renegotiation place, as it were.

I'm open to the idea, and working out favorable conditions for both units. We should also talk with the rest of the unit about units we'd like to prioritize during games similar to those situations so we don't run into surprises during them.

... And thanks for being upfront with me. I really appreciate it. You're really putting in a lot of work with other units on FiN's behalf, and while my general trust of other units is admittedly low, let me know when it'd help to have another person there with you. I'd happily hold your shy hand.

[He nods thoughtfully along with Sho's reasoning, but the last part catches him by surprise... before he smiles, visibly relieved.]

I could certainly stand to have emotional support at times, senpai! And your experience with this place in general.

[...Hm. Well, if what happens in fun lab stays in fun lab... he looks down at the floor for a few moments, thinking.]

Well, actually... I do try my best to get along with other units, and others in general... but lately, I wonder how much longer I'll be able to do that. It's been... harder to be myself. And now that pain and grudges are starting to pile up, I... don't know who I will become from here on.

When I first arrived, I wanted to get along with everyone and understand everyone. It's part of why I was able to become friends with Absinthe, I think. But now... I have people I dislike and don't even want to try to understand. And that feels wrong, yet perhaps not as wrong as accepting them blindly or pushing myself and what I want aside just to give them satisfaction. But I don't know what to do in those situations. I feel like I should put in the effort, but... there is unlikely to be payoff. And I don't know if I should keep trying or if I should give up.

[Levity sips some more fun soda. Self-perception issues for the tall man!! :( Sometimes you come from a utopian society where people actually wanted to communicate and now you don't know how to handle it when people Don't.]

But, ah, forgive me. I think it would be good to hold a unit meeting and discuss our priorities. And perhaps we could hold a unit-to-unit meeting with Baritones, too, to discuss how official an arrangement this can be? Like you say, it's best to have things stated upfront. So no one gets caught in false expectations.

[unlike SOME PEOPLE THAT HE IS NOT GOING TO NAME]

Your senpai is always here to listen, and the bad thoughts that enter the fun lab stay in the fun lab, those are the rules!

[ Another knee pat, gentler this time. ]

And hey, I think your recognition of this change in you means you're not just gonna become a totally different, heartless person or anything like this. You and Angel actually have a lot in common there, you should try talking with her about these feelings. She's working through those emotions too, and I think talking with someone experiencing similar feelings would help a lot for both of you.

I'm no Intensity, but I'm willing to listen too when you want to talk things out. Promise I won't always give my heavily biased opinion.

And nothing to forgive, you and your thoughts are way more important to me than alliances or other things like that. It'd be good if you're happy with the way you decide to be moving forward, however that is. So however I can help, let me know. Even if it's just a listening ear.

[ imeeji ] IC Inbox

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably

Re: 354/355 probably