scarvedforlife | [ imeeji ] IC Inbox

[When Sho arrives, Levity is sitting on the floor of the lab, sipping thoughtfully from one of the Soda Beakers. He gives Sho a wave as he comes in.]

Hey, senpai.

[ Using Technokinesis to adjust the volumes, louder around the edges of the room, particularly the door, and quieter around them. ]

Yoooo, how's the drink?

[At least fins have control over their own dorm, as opposed to the rest of their lives! He holds up the beaker as though in toast.]

I'm drowning my sorrow in fun food colouring. Would you like some?

[ Going to take a seat on the floor across from him. ]

I'll pass for now. Are these sorrows that need talking about?

[Waves a hand!]

Oh, not exactly. I can deal with those. Probably.

[...and, expression getting serious.]

But I do have a concern for our unit in future games. You see... BAD END lost the behead game. Very much so lost, and now they blame us and Baritones for it, thinking that we hate them or see them as expendable. I've spoken to Hope and Serenity and offered my apologies that the game turned out that way, and they at least seem to have forgiven me... but another of their members, Kiri Hellfire, still seems intent on carrying out revenge. She sabotaged Baritones during... the last game, which was part of why they lost, too.

[He takes a deep breath; this does seem to be weighing on him quite a lot.]

I don't know if she's satisfied in regards to Baritones, but I can't help worrying that she will try to exact revenge on our unit, as well. And I keep thinking about what would have happened if she'd chosen to go for our buzzer instead of Baritones in the game. And what might happen if she does something like this to us in whatever the next violent game will be.

[ His own expression darkens, thoughtful before he speaks. ]

She seems like an unreasonable person and I don't see why we should have to bend over backwards to 'make up' for actions that were, I assume, decided upon by our group during a game. If she can apparently convince her whole team they're victims and deserve to lash out at other units due to games where we're purposefully made to decide our priorities and they weren't ours, then Bad End should be regarded as a team we can't trust and treated that way. Because trying to appease them means putting people we care about more, or ourselves, in danger.

Someone like that seems like a person who would only be satisfied with something like 'feel the pain she experienced' or whatever messed up thing her mind's come up with, and I can't imagine someone like that ever finding satisfaction no matter how much we suffered.

I'd rather prepare knowing where an attack is coming from than try to appease someone who wants to act like a spoiled brat.

Edited 2021-04-29 05:19 (UTC)

[He breathes out slowly.]

...I agree. I worried I may have been a little unfair, but... her actions and perception of it does seem to be unreasonable to me. One unit had to die in that game no matter what, and we did not choose Bad End out of some negative feelings. But it was us, sensitIV, Baritones and Bad End. sensitIV were clearly going to be needed after the game, so we agreed not to touch them. That meant choosing who we would sacrifice between Baritones and Bad End. I wanted to protect Baritones because my wife and a lot of my friends are on it. Jason would normally prioritize Bad End, but he has few connections to it nowadays, and agreed to protect Baritones. Arya had no strong opinions one way or another. So... it was a decision we all reached together.

But miss Hellfire, well... She's intent on "vengeance sevenfold". So it's not just the pain she--or rather, her unitmates, because she wasn't in that game--experienced, it's that pain multiplied seven times. Which... would have been a little more understandable if we had targeted Bad End out of malice. But it really annoys me that she would find fault with us for following the rules of the game.

[Levity drums his fingers on the floor, frown deepening.]

I tried to speak with her, but she did not seem to care whether or not it was done out of malice, whether we were following the rules or not, what we thought or felt or how the decision was made or at what cost. In her own words, all she can see is how badly her unitmates were hurt, and thinks that she needs to avenge them. Which is particularly frustrating to me, given that Bad End chose to sacrifice us, but we're not campaigning for a war against them.

I have no idea if she will be able to convince all of her unit to see us as their enemies. Serenity was already unhappy with her sabotage of Baritones. Hope is a little more indifferent or perhaps hostile towards us, but she too did say that Hellfire is only one member of their unit. Nevertheless, between Hellfire and Sashay who was in the game, I won't be surprised if we will be Bad End's targets for a time. Especially if it's mainly those two playing.

I think the only reason they left our buzzer alone in the last game was because it was Angel who was our hostage, and they hold her in some regard. I assume that had it been any other one of us, they would have gone for us first instead of Baritones.

You did a lot more than I would have tried. Anyone reasonable understands that in a prioritizing game, one team's gotta take the fall. And y'know, FiN used to be that team a lot, in the past. So I don't have much compassion for any team that whines about how they're hurting when it coulda just as easily been FiN in that position. If they can't understand that, in comparison to your personal attachment and trying to guarantee the availability of healers, they were at lowest priority, it sounds like they're just ready to play the victims forever. And instead of doing it smartly by protecting themselves first, they'd rather lash out at anyone who 'wronged them' and screw over other units first. To me that implies that their own personal feelings of revenge is more important to them than actually taking care of their unitmate and I have no sympathy for someone like that.

Honestly, it sounds like that'll be a PR nightmare for them if it continues like this. If they're willing to publicly lash out in that way, while the other side looks reasonable and can explain their side as such, they're the ones who'll come out looking like crap and could be put up for consideration as a team to be targeted for it. People don't try to avoid the teams that 'play hard', they try to take them down with that knowledge.

[ He breathes out a long breath, tilting his head up to even out his gaze before looking at Levity again. ]

Speaking honestly, I don't have much sympathy in my heart at all for Bad End. Members of their team completely screwed over FiN in past games in the stupidest way possible, but I've kept those feelings out of games because I'd be putting the rest of my unit at risk if I tried to make a play based on my own feelings versus the group's.

So rather, I'd like to ask what it is you want to do. My personal opinion is letting that girl or girls go on their little grudge rampage during games while actively playing to protect ourselves against them, and ignoring any attempts they have at trying to bait us into their crap. Let them make themselves look bad to everyone else for tunneling us, who made a reasonable play. But like I said, I've got no heart for them.

I want to know more about what you'd like to achieve, and what you're willing to do for it.

[SENPAI IS GOOD, ACTUALLY?]

...Yeah. Serenity was their hostage during the doll game, and I know for a fact she doesn't want people to "avenge" her. It just makes her feel even worse about herself and more at fault. But the desire for revenge is apparently more important to Hellfire than how Serenity feels.

[Is he bitter? He's bitter.]

But as for me... I want to protect our unit. And I want to protect people important to me. But the only solution I'd come up with so far was--offering myself to Hellfire as a sacrifice of sorts. After all, I'm the reason both us and Baritones chose to sacrifice them. I wanted to protect Lily, and Cosmo and Alexander wanted to protect me.

[He frowns.]

Of course, I realize it's not my fault that I have friends and loved ones on other units. Nor do I want to undergo whatever her "revenge sevenfold" might involve. I would like to eliminate her chaotic element from our future games, but I don't know if self-sacrifice is the best way to do so, not to mention that I don't want to indulge her... delusions that it's right to punish people for following game rules or loving people on other units.

[Levity takes a deep breath, looking up at Sho in kind.]

But if our unit were to decide that she is too dangerous to be ignored, I would be willing to let her take that revenge on me. As long as it guarantees that she leaves our unit alone.

[ Reaching out ala icon to boop his nose. ]

Bin bon, we don't do sacrificial lambs around these parts! Protecting this unit means protecting yourself too. You as a group made a decision, you as a group take responsibility!

But in this case, the only way to 'make even' would be to lose in a game that left us regretting our decision to 'cross BEDE' or feeling abandoned or whatever cursed status she wishes upon us.

So the most important question is, do you regret the decision FiN made in that game?

[SENPAI GOOD!! ;_; He looks surprised at the boop, but then smiles.]

...I don't think so. Knowing what I know now, knowing how sensitIV and Baritones chose to play, I might have made a different choice. But I could not have known back then. And I think we chose the best we could, aiming to protect both ourselves and another team.

[He shakes his head.]

Of course, I'm not happy that Bad End got the worst punishment possible, not just death but corruptions as well. And if possible, I would have liked to spread the damage around some more so all they got was the death. But I did not know if that was possible, and I did not want our unit to die, either.

[...]

From what I understood, Bad End did not play the hardest they could. See, we had three cards - wed, bed, behead, behead being the worst option. But we also had "instead", which we could additionally use to steal another unit's best card and send them our worst, or take their worst and send them our best. Bad End did not use their "instead", while the rest of us did. I think they expected others to go easier on them.

It seems like a vicious card, but if you're gonna go all in with trying to protect yourselves, it's a necessary card to play to guarantee your unit's safety. So FiN, SiV, and BiT all chose to play it to get themselves into the safest position possible, while BEDE didn't.

... I don't see why they had that sort of expectation, honestly. Sounds like they're blaming everyone else for their misjudgment.

It is quite a cruel card, but... I think it is also one that you cannot afford not to play in such a game. Unless you are positively, absolutely sure that the other units won't use it. And I don't think one can be certain of that, not unless they know who is playing from other units, what their relationships are, what things have been happening recently with everyone, how they might be feeling at the moment...

[He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, then takes out his phone.]

Like I said, I talked with Hope afterwards. I asked her if the vengeance is what her unit wants, but she said they do not want that, only Hellfire does. Hope's own was that she wants it understood that they will protect their own if no one else does.

[He frowns again.]

That... I've been here only a month, but I was a little surprised to hear that from one of the older players. I thought this way of thinking was normal for everyone... I expected every unit to play to protect themselves.

[ Crossing his arms behind his head, leaning back a bit. ]

Maaaah... I could believe it. Some people are able to keep thinking positively even in the face of the contrary.

But mostly I think it's foolish to try and rely on other units to protect you, especially when you're able to protect yourself. Then get angry when they prioritize themselves over you. Unless your entire unit who's in the game is willing to roll over for whatever reason, you should be doing your best to play in a way you won't regret. If you regret not playing hard enough to protect your unit, that's not on everyone else. That's on you. You made that choice.

[Frown...]

I want to think that I think positively, but... rather than positivity, is it not naivete to assume that others will protect you? For me thinking positively would be... thinking that even if another unit plays to sacrifice us, it's not done out of hatred and malice. And being able to stay friends with them afterwards no matter what.

[Maybe other people are weird.]

Ah, but speaking of friends... that's another thing I wanted to bring up. I've talked to Cosmo after the game, too, and tried to figure out what our priorities might be in the future. I was not certain Baritones would protect us, either, but... The truth is that at least four people on their unit are very fond of me. And now if Sunny is finally going to admit he cares about Angel, I'd say we have five members of Baritones who like us. But mere assumptions are useless, of course, so I brought it up with Cosmo - and his offer was that he would protect our unit over all others but Baritones if I were to wish so, even against his own desires. I told him that before I make such a decision I should speak with the rest of us... So, what's your opinion, senpai? Should I tell him to protect us? I know the answer is quite obvious, but I don't want to assume.

... Honestly, that sounds like a pretty good way to put it, naivety vs positivity I mean. I think we understand that the games make us do shitty things to each other, and no one's trying to purposefully kill people with these games, just protect the ones they care about most.

Most people anyway.

I admit, I wouldn't argue against those kinds of conditions, but it seems fairly one-sided of an agreement to make. I don't like an unbalanced situation myself.

I'd also like to know who exactly those four people are, because while there are four people who're fond of you, it doesn't necessarily mean they're fond of the rest of us. Ah- I'm not saying that I think negatively of them, but it's a connection between individuals, not a team. I think it'd be unfair to hold them to this kind of thing if you were to graduate early, for example, so I'd much rather we have something clearly worked out over awkward guesswork.

[He looks briefly panicked at the mention of early graduation. BOY HE HOPES NOT?]

I, um... I'm not certain about graduating. Unless I go for a wish, I don't think I have anywhere to go after this...

[But anyway. He shakes his head, then raises a hand, uncurling a finger for each person.]

Those people specifically are Cosmo, Alexander, Absinthe and Lily. You are right in saying they have a personal connection to me rather than the team, although the first three all assured me that our units have always been somewhat allied, meaning they've never purposefully targeted us before... I can't say exactly how true that is, of course. You've been here longer than me, so you should know more. But now while I'm here I suppose we have the option of getting protection from them, although both me and Cosmo agreed that we would put our own units first, and he did expect protection from us in turn, to whatever degree is feasible in a given game.

And on the subject of personal affection versus attitude towards the entire unit... Well, Lily is not one to target anyone specifically anyway. She loves and respects people too much. Cosmo and Alexander would likely still seek to protect our unit if they can even if I am not present because they know I care about you all, but that is something I'll need to talk out with them properly. And for Absinthe, we have a specific agreement that he won't hurt my unitmates or loved ones, provided he's in his right mind. But I think it's obvious that games that mess with our heads are ones where we can't guarantee anything.

[ Reaching out to pat a knee. ]

There there, it was just a hypothetical.

From what I know, Intensity had a pact thing with Kohime, who used to be on Baritones but got moved over to Avante. With him gone and Kohime on a different unit, it makes sense that we're at a renegotiation place, as it were.

I'm open to the idea, and working out favorable conditions for both units. We should also talk with the rest of the unit about units we'd like to prioritize during games similar to those situations so we don't run into surprises during them.

... And thanks for being upfront with me. I really appreciate it. You're really putting in a lot of work with other units on FiN's behalf, and while my general trust of other units is admittedly low, let me know when it'd help to have another person there with you. I'd happily hold your shy hand.

[He nods thoughtfully along with Sho's reasoning, but the last part catches him by surprise... before he smiles, visibly relieved.]

I could certainly stand to have emotional support at times, senpai! And your experience with this place in general.

[...Hm. Well, if what happens in fun lab stays in fun lab... he looks down at the floor for a few moments, thinking.]

Well, actually... I do try my best to get along with other units, and others in general... but lately, I wonder how much longer I'll be able to do that. It's been... harder to be myself. And now that pain and grudges are starting to pile up, I... don't know who I will become from here on.

When I first arrived, I wanted to get along with everyone and understand everyone. It's part of why I was able to become friends with Absinthe, I think. But now... I have people I dislike and don't even want to try to understand. And that feels wrong, yet perhaps not as wrong as accepting them blindly or pushing myself and what I want aside just to give them satisfaction. But I don't know what to do in those situations. I feel like I should put in the effort, but... there is unlikely to be payoff. And I don't know if I should keep trying or if I should give up.

[Levity sips some more fun soda. Self-perception issues for the tall man!! :( Sometimes you come from a utopian society where people actually wanted to communicate and now you don't know how to handle it when people Don't.]

But, ah, forgive me. I think it would be good to hold a unit meeting and discuss our priorities. And perhaps we could hold a unit-to-unit meeting with Baritones, too, to discuss how official an arrangement this can be? Like you say, it's best to have things stated upfront. So no one gets caught in false expectations.

[unlike SOME PEOPLE THAT HE IS NOT GOING TO NAME]

Your senpai is always here to listen, and the bad thoughts that enter the fun lab stay in the fun lab, those are the rules!

[ Another knee pat, gentler this time. ]

And hey, I think your recognition of this change in you means you're not just gonna become a totally different, heartless person or anything like this. You and Angel actually have a lot in common there, you should try talking with her about these feelings. She's working through those emotions too, and I think talking with someone experiencing similar feelings would help a lot for both of you.

I'm no Intensity, but I'm willing to listen too when you want to talk things out. Promise I won't always give my heavily biased opinion.

And nothing to forgive, you and your thoughts are way more important to me than alliances or other things like that. It'd be good if you're happy with the way you decide to be moving forward, however that is. So however I can help, let me know. Even if it's just a listening ear.

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